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“ST PATRICK’S CELEBRATION”

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink was driving home from the city one night with his wife when suddenly his car started weaving violently all over the
                 road.   A cop pulls him over.   
                 “So”, says the cop to the  
                 driver “Where have you been
                 tonight?”  “Ah y’know, why Officer I have been to the pub of course” slurs the drunk.
“Well,”  says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”  The drunk says with a smile, “Aye, I do believe I did 
all right mate.”
While standing straight
and with his arms 
folded, the cops says 
“Did you know a few 
intersections back 
while you were violently swerving that your wife fell out of your car?”  “Aye, thank me lucky stars,” sighs the drunk … “for a minute there I thought I’d gone deaf, y’know.”

Text Box: CONFESSION GONE WRONG
A drunken Irishman staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.  The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there silently.  Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.  The drunk mumbles 
“Aye, ain’t no use 
knockin mate, 
there’s no 
paper on 
this side 
either!”

IRISH CHEER

IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH

 

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

Text Box:                        Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual.  When Tim Finnegan arrives at  
                       her door.  “Brenda, may I come in?”  he asks.  “I’ve ‘somethin to tell ya”.  
                       Brenda replies “of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim.  But 
                       where’s my husband?”  Tim blurts out “That’s what I’m here to be telling you my dear.”  There was an accident down at the ‘ol Guinness brewery…”  “Oh, God 
say it is not so!”  cries Brenda.  “Please don’t tell me.”  sobs Brenda.  “I must, 
Brenda.  Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.  I’m sorry”.  Finally, she looked 
up at Tim.  “How did it happen, Tim?”  Tim softy replies “It was terrible, Brenda.
He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”  Brenda then raises her voice 
and pleads “Oh my dear Jesus!  But you must tell me the truth, Tim.  Did he at 
least go quickly?”  Well Brenda...no, in fact, he got out three times to pee.”

BREAKING THE SEAL HAS NO IRISH LUCK

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